Mr Stricter

It is written do re mi
And yet he plays a mi re do
When I should hear fa so la
My ears detect a la fa so
I just do not understand it
For the child is far from dim
Clearly Frederic does not like the piano
Nor does it like him

When assigned to my tutelage
Here’s Stricter’s rule of thumb:
If you cannot learn your lessons
You’ll have none!

It is clear, I say, “Allegro”
And he plunks down listlessly
His pianissimo is forte
He crescendos aimlessly
And his tempo is atrocious
I don’t wish to be unkind
But if the Pipkin boy keeps coming here
Then I shall lose my mind!

I must say, the boy is hopeless
He will never learn to play
And it frays my weary nerves
No, I cannot go on this way
I’m afraid for my dog Peanut
Such a sensitive canine
The music takes a toll on him
He has one life - not nine!

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